


Cigarette Smoke

by awkwardlyqueer (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean POV, Dean is an angsty wreck, M/M, Sad, Smoker!Dean, angsty af, kinda cringey?? lol, taking place after Dean got out of purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7219786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/awkwardlyqueer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean got out of Purgatory but can't stop thinking about who he left behind</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cigarette Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> One of my fist destiel fics so I hope it's not too cringey..  
> This is really angsty sorry  
> If you see any mistakes please point them out (in a nice way please) because english isn't my mother tongue.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Dean took a long drag from the cigarette. It wasn’t the first time he had smoked since he came back. It was addicting. It dimmed the pain and it relaxed him, even for a moment. Alcohol wasn’t working anymore. It was like drinking water. But the cigarettes… That was another story. He puffed out the smoke and watched it twirl in the air. He spend hours watching the smoke, watching the strange patterns it made.  
Sam was really worried about him but there was nothing he could do. He only took care of him, silently; with only the sad looks betraying how much he was worried. But for once Dean didn’t care. He was too lost in his own sorrow to realize he was hurting Sam with his indifference for life. But his purpose of life was gone. Cas was gone. And there was nothing he could do about it.  
Sam often tried to get a reaction from him but in vain. The only time he got a reaction was when he tried to make him quit smoking. It was the only thing numbing the pain. And he wasn’t ready to give it up. Sam gave up when he had a raging fit after two hours without smoking. Now the only thing that was breaking the constant silence between them was the occasional movie he watched while drinking beer. Sam was constantly on his laptop or taking long walk outside. Sometimes, he didn’t come home for a week and when he was back he still wasn’t really saying anything. Dean knew he was going on hunting trips alone and for the first time he wasn’t really worried about Sam.  
He wasn’t worried about anything really. Cas was gone and it was his fault. He hadn’t managed to hold on to him and now Cas was gone. There wasn’t any way that he could save him and that was driving him crazy. He saw Cas everywhere. He almost got into an accident because he thought he had seen him walking next to the road.  
He took another drag and closed his eyes, welcoming the numbness who was spreading all over his body as the nicotine was flowing in his veins. Then, without warning, like someone had flipped a switch, he felt tears burning in his eyes. That was happening a lot nowadays and there was nothing he could do about it. He just let it happen because it was relieving in a way. The tears were dripping down his chin but he made no effort wiping them away. He was alone anyway; Sam was on a hunting trip again. He just laid back and started thinking about Cas. He started thinking about his intoxicating blue eyes and the way he looked at him, how his eyes sparkled when he saw him smile and how his eyes squinted when he laughed at some stupid joke he had told. How his lips formed a crooked smile wherever he was happy and how beautiful he was when he was smiling. How silk was his messy hair and how much he loved ruffling it. He started thinking about his voice and how husky it sounded after he had woke up. How beautiful his laughter was and how...  
“That thing will kill you.”  
Dean’s eyes remained closed. It wasn’t the first time he had imagined Cas’ voice. He took another drag of the cigarette.  
“Dean.”  
He smiled to himself as he took another drag. It was really nice hearing Cas saying his name again even thought he wasn’t really here. He slowly, almost lazily, opened his eyes and was greeted by an empty room. As expected. He sat up from his bed and he rose to his feet as he was putting the cigarette on the ash tray. He headed to the bathroom, stood in front of the sink and turned on the cold water. He splashed his face with the icy water and washed up his tear stained face. As he was drying up his face, his eyes caught something moving on the mirror. He quickly turned to look behind him and was greeted by a pair of sparkling blues eyes.  
“Hello Dean”


End file.
